tada!

Goodness Gosh!
No one, except for a few other ladies and gentleman, know how much I truly miss FIDM! I could never have imagined that I would actually miss going to school, I miss being busy, having a lack of sleep, waking up before the crack of down, and coming home when it's dark.
Every quarter I feel more and more blessed to be able to go to FIDM, and to have gained the friendships I know have. Everyone, the students, the teachers, the atmosphere, it is all amazing.

This whole break so far I have been re-inventing myself without evern realizing it.
I have taken out my plugs, have cut a large majority of my hair off, whitenend my teeth, re-done my eyebrows, and have gotten a completey new wardrobe!
This 'change' is long over due.
I am so happy right now, words cannot even describe.
A large majority of the mornings I wake up, drive down to the Marina (Yes! I AM DRIVING!), and go on a long walk.
I then come home, get dressed and clean the house. After that I watch Bewitched and I Dream of Jennie after which I take my two doggies on a walk.
This may not sound like a lot, put after a long day I feel very fulfilled.
I am re-thinking the idea of being a housewife and getting married.
I have never wanted to be a housewife and I sure as hell have never wanted to get married, but lately I have been considering it and even had a long conversation with min kjaere about it.
He believe is is the fact that I have grown up and am getting my priorities straight that it is only a part of life that my opinions on certain situations change.
He's a sweetheart, if only I loved him like he says he loves me.
I would marry him in a heartbeat! But as I well know, I already know who the love of my life is, and I will not settle for anyone but him.

I am currently also re-reading 'Cheap Diamonds' and amazing book that I always love to read.
Oh! And I also hav a job interview tomorrow! It's at the Union Square Macy's! How exciting! That Macy's is so beautiful and grand, I know I would enjoy working there, hopefully they hire me and I can have a steady job :)
Goodness knows I need the money, and maybe, just maybe, if I work full time this whole break I can save up enough money for a down payment for an apartment in the city.
haha, I girl can dream can't she!
I will know end this blog with a few pictures I took this past week.

Toodles!
Annie

Oh Lordy Lordy!!

Sometimes I find it so hard to try and ignore people!
Their ignorance and not understanding of a situation angers me because they insist that what they say is true when they know nothing of the situation.
oh lord!
I try not to judge people when I don't know them, and I don't make assumptions on things I do not know about. I have not always been like this but once I was faced with a multitude of people that live like this I knew I had to make a change.
I do not want to be ignorant or self-absorbed. No one will ever know how someone else feels in a situation unless they themselves have been through it, and that is why I no longer judge people.

I forgive and accept people apologizes when I recieve then because that is what a well mannered young lady does. I have finally realized what kind of woman I want to be and am making the right decisions. As a child I took etiquette lessons and HATED them, but now I am glad I took them because I know a handful of little tid-bits that make me a better person. I also apologize to others when I have done something wrong because I do not want to be known as a rude or mean person, because I am not.
I like people to come to me when there is a problem or when a situation has risen because that is what I do, it may take me a bit of time to put myself together so that I don't say things I will later regret, but I always confront people.

Lately I have felt very happy and content with my life.

Vinchic

My new obsession is anything and everything beautiful and classy.
I feel in a time like this, were there is little money and problems in the world, it is time for people to be recession chic.

I take advantage of the days my family gets off and we go out for lunches and a bit of light shopping.
I find vintage items to be so much better than new items because they have a story behind them and an individual feeling.
I know that I am the only, or one of few, who have such an item and that makes me feel so special!
The fact that I by items that are one of a kind is so amazing to me.

In my life I have always tried to fit in and not stand out so much.
I was a very quiet child and during my final year of high school I branched out and took charge of my life.
I wore dresses to school, and heels!
I decided I wouldn't give a damn whether or not anyone liked how I dressed. I wasn't dressing in designer clothing, I didn't shop at the mall.
Instead I would shop thrifty and found items I thought were nice and beautiful.

But upon entering FIDM I started buying Vintage and Thrift clothing, now after I have finished my first year of college I find over 50% of my clothing articles to be thrifted!

Old Lady Chic

This past week since I have finished my first year at FIDM has been very rewarding and exciting!
I have done quite a bit of shopping, and have gained some wonderful wardrobe pieces.
My Mother describes my fashion style as, and I quote "Old-Lady Chic".
I find it quite amusing that she think so, because I just think I loof fancy and classy!
None the less she likes coming shopping with me and is one of my best buddies, so I have no problem being Mommies Little Monster.
And to her suprise, I also have a french manicure!
She just laughs and gives me a look everytime I 'change'.
I don't really think I am changing...rather I am growing up and becoming the person I am meant to be.

Oh! And I also took out my plugs.
I am quite happy with the decision. After 5 years of having them I just feel I am not the same person I was when I began the experience.
When I was a kid I wanted them because they looked really interesting and wild! Then I put meaning and thought behind why I was doing them.
But I have know found better ways to express myself, threrfor after a lond dileberation, I took them out.
It has been 3 days and they are still 'shrinking'. It will take a couple weeks for the whole to lessen but it will still be quite large. No matter though, I never want them to fully disappear because they are part of my history and who I am.

From my shopping experiences I have gained two hats, a floral handbag, a sweater shirt garment, and a Velvet Coat thing.
I am quite proud of my items and can't wait to wear them.
The hats have been worn quite a lot.
Someone ask me on a fancy date so I can wear them!! Lunch & Tea PLEASE!!

They look like crap on a hanger, but look amazing on! If I didn't feel so crappy I would take better photos...oh well!

Just call me Vivienne

SOOOO I have been discussing with my Mother for the longest time about me going to Guatemala for my quarter off from school.
And today, after she picked me up from bart she discussed it with me and said if I really wanted to go then we would go get my passport renewed this Saturday!
I am EXTATIC!!!
It's been too long since I've been there and I miss my Grandmother and Aunts!
They are all so amazing and sweet I cannot wait!

Last time my Grandmother came she took a bagfull of my accesories and now it's my turn to scavage through her closet, hahah.
She has beautiful jewelry and coats that I would love to get my mits on and am excited to see my aunts again!
They are the cutest little ladies imaginable, it is truly hard to be a lady in this modern world and they manage to.
I look up to them, and their lifestyle very much I wish to be at least a tiny bit like them.

I found out that my Mother was influenced by my sister to not let me go to Guatemala. Apparently I dress tres outrageously and she is afraid I will be held for ransom or something! Like seriously, she told my Mother that I wear too much designer clothing and handbags and the fact that I do so will get me unwanted attention.
Like good gracious! I don't wear Gucci, Dolce, Balenciaga, or high end clothing like that! Half the time people don't realize I am even wearing designer garb!
OH! And my Betsey and Chanel bags, supposably they are too flashy...seriously?

Oh well, that's old news.
I am going to Guatemala!!

And the sun will begin to set.

Why oh why does this photo look so familiar?
Images and moments frozen in time and in our memory is all I can say.

All I can say, and one thing I am very thankful for, is my mothers knack for saving and thrifting.
As I child I used to hate going shopping and hating anything involved with clothing.
But after all these years my mother has gained a large amoung of thrift and vintage clothing.
My entire wardrobe seems to be second hand and some of the most beautiful pieces I have seen, and I am sooo proud to own them >_<
I was feeling extra inspired today and looked through this big bag of clothing behind my mothers bed and found a Ralph Lauren skirt, sailor inspired, an old (yet very new) Banana Republic jacket, and some simple black dress pants.
I dunno know, but I feel very fashionable!!!
And very grateful for my mother and her hording habits
:D

Common Reaction

Of all the gin joints in all the world, you just had to walk into the one I was at?
Why the fuck does this always happen?

And that’s the day everything changed.

It’s a sunny day and everything feels so perfect.
I love my mother for putting up with my crazy fashion sense and my constant need for vintage crap.
We woke up early this morning to take my boots to the Cordonnier to get them fixed because they were supposedly! Going to tear. She insisted on me getting them fixed since they cost me 200 smackaroos way back when. If you ask me, the best 200 I have ever spent.
We went to all of these quaint little antique stores where we looked through cases and cases of jewelry and racks of faux vintage clothing, fake poo if you ask me.
But I did find a few accessories I did like. A hand painted German brooch from 1920, a 1940’s hair brooch, and two 1960 hair thingies, hahah.
Well I know sit here, writing and listening to some indie music….
My mood has been pretty bleek the past few days.
I have been reminiscing a lot lately, every time I hit a mile stone in life I get like this, I kind of hate it and love it, but it makes people think I’m having an emotional breakdown or something when I’m really just trying to get my thoughts and life together.

I keep getting hit-on and asked out on dates from these boys who have no similar interests of me.
I’m sorry but I first like to be friends with a person before I get into a relationship or go out with them.
The boys who tend to ask me out are ‘normal’ and they dress in clothing bought at the mall.
WTF? Do I look like the kind of girl who listens to Rap and likes wearing clothes bought at Forever 21? UMMM NOOO! You can tell a lot about a person based on their appearance and how they hold themselves.

At the moment I feel like no guy is worth my time.
Today I was veryy attracted to the man at the Cordonnier shop, I think the fact that he made things with his hands and could create such beautiful things with a textile is what attracted me to him.
I like men who can fend for themselves and who work with their hands, who aren’t afraid to get dirty.
I will never again be with someone who doesn’t work in a profession where they do not work with their hands.
A mans man is my kind of person.
I like to be around creative people, all of my friends by them man or woman all are inspiring.
They are artists, craftsman, designers, painters, sketch artists, chefs, car detailers, etc.
I’m sorry but for you to be attractive to me you have to have a thought in your head and not a card in your pocket.

Betsey Johnson was married three times, and divorced all her husbands.
All three were artists and she said she supported them and loved to be with them because they were all so creative, she had to leave them because she realized she was living not for herself but for them.
All her money went to their art, and she spent her time caring for them.
I’m a nurturer.
I love animals, I feed, bathe, play, and live with my animals, I care for them as if they were my children just as I care for the person I am in a relationship with.

I want to fall asleep with the love of my life running his hands through my hair while I drag my hands across his back.

Night Sky Brings Evil Things To Light

I just spent the last 1 1/2 hours sitting in my tub listening to the water drain.
I was thinking...
pondering...
wondering...
examining my life in a whole.

I ask myself, "Am I too young for this?", I am an eighteen year old girl who in one week will have experienced everything she has never dreamed of.
As a child I never dreamed of being a fashion designer, I have never liked fashion or been 'in' with the cool crowd, I have never been in a crowd PERIOD.
I have never had a group of friends who cared about me, or knew who I really was.
I have never been welcomed, or understood by adults or my peers.
I have never been wanted.

The more I sit in think, the more I wonder how I could have accomplished all of this.
I have met everyone I have ever idolized, I have everything I could ever want or need, I have a loving mother, brother, and sister, and I attend a private college that I was actually accepted into.
Why the hell do I deserve this.
Out of all the people in the world, why do I get to live this life?

As the water slowly trickled out of the tub, and into the drain I also thought about my future and what I want to achieve.
From the get-go all I have ever wanted to do was be happy, and make my mother proud.
So far I have lived up to both of my hopes.
When my friends and I talk about kids, I always say I don't want any...which I don't.
I also never want to live to be old or elderly.
I want someone to love and to care for me.
I am eighteen and have experienced what I believe to be love and threw it away.
As I sat in the tub I imagined living in a small home of my own with my 'husband' and seeing him walk into the bathroom and see me sitting there and ask me "Are you okay?", I imagined the man I first fell in love with.
In this vision I was not tattoed, or pierced...neither was he.
I think, am I in a faze where I like that or is this who I truly am.


I want someone that understands me and knows me.
Who will know when I am sad or mad, and try to make me feel better.
Who will light my cigarette without being prompted, or hand me a drink before I ask.
I want to have the perfect relationship that I know I can have if I only settle down and stop lying.
I have never been a good girlfriend, I have never been able to make a real commitment.

I'm drunk I suppose

There is a band that has shaped me in every capable way I can imagine, it has affected and effected my life that I would not be the person I am without them.
One day I want to have the effect they have on me, on other people. I want to be able to inspire others and push them to chase their dreams and do the impossible.
This band has been with me for a little more than a 8 years now, and I still love them and feel the same I have fealt the first time I heard them.
They were the second of my 'introductory' bands I am still loyal to to this day.
There is not one song of there's that I do not have a memory too or an emotional or physical reaction.
Without their influence in my life I would have never met my best friend, learned to deal with the bullies who constantly taunted and made fun of me, or the fact that I was plain different.
With their last cd being a concept album their costumes ignited an interest in fashion for me.
I learned that clothing can stand for something and can reveal hidden messages.
This being one of the things that affected me attending FIDM and the start to my fashion design experience.
Music and Clothing that can burn a flame under you and evoke a feeling and emotion are few and far apart.


My Epitaph will read; Here lays the grrl that conquered the world with a needle and thread in one hand and a record in the other bruised and black stub. With a cigarette hanging off her chapped lips she ignited a fire under the thousands and to stand in front of the black parade.