Sometimes my thoughts get away from me and I imagine scenarios and opportunities in my head that have not happened yet, but they prepare me for what is to come...so I guess it's not such a bad thing that I live in my head a lot
I have deja vu a lot too, at least three times a day. I was telling one of my friends at school about it and they told me that when one has deja vu it means that they are following the correct path in life. That makes me happy, because it often happens at school, meaning I am meant to be there and I have something to achieve and to give to the fashion industry.
I feel like I have evolved into a much better person in the past year since I have graduated high school. I often think back onto high school and realize what a wreck it was. Public high schools are garbage, and it's no wonder I wanted to be home schooled instead. But I think it was good on my moms part not to take me out of Alhambra because I can't always take the easy way out of situations, and it taught me not too.
FIDM has been quite hectic lately. This quarter has been one of the hardest by far, having to make a pattern for a dress and sew it every week is pretty tough, especially since it's more like two garments.
But my friends have been making it easier to handle :)
I definetely believe that my type of 'hands-on' schooling is harder than academic schools. If you don't do your work in an academic class no one but the teacher will know, but if you don't do it in pattern drafting class everyone will know because you will be the only one without a garment.
Fashion school is really hard, but I enjoy every second of it.
I'm almost done with my first year, only three more weeks! I'm soooo proud of myself, I never thought I'd get this far in life at such a young age.
Most of my friends aren't even in college yet, they've just been in hiatus since graduating.
I didn't even get a summer, I had less than two weeks of vacation before I started FIDM. I'm not sad about it because I know I made a great decision, I just don't feel like an 18 year old, I feel a lot older.
I just laugh and smile at the kind of person I was and still am.
Of course I have changed...but it's all for the better.
As long as I'm happy with the person I am that is all that matters.
People will always talk about me, and wont always like the decisions I make, but as long as it works for me you should all be happy for me.
I find that people sometimes take their friends for granted because they feel they are leaving them behind. But real friends will never leave you behind, and if they do you will realize that your friendship was really never meant to be.
I try not to say bad things, I actually haven't said anything malicious about any of my friends in the past two months and I am very proud of that. I still cuss though, but not as much as I used to.
I was looking at my music collection the other day and realized it is very strange, I have a fall out boy cd next to a blaqk Audio cd and a Lost Alone ep, hahaha.
My life is ridiculous.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
I will never lose faith, and I will never lose love.
My friends will always be my closest enemies, at one point or another we always attack each other...many times without reason.
As humans we are all utter contradictions and hypocrits.
We will always lie, we will always hurt each other, and we will always abuse.
I have never thought myself to be someone who takes advantage of people, I have never taken anything from anyone without a price and I have never needed the help of someone outside of my immediate family.
I was brought up to stand up on my own two feet, and never look back.
I was taught to help those in need, and give them what they were in need of.
But when friends can't face the truth and are persuaded by their 'family and friends' it's a hopeless cause.
I'm not a perfect person and I make a lot of mistakes, but in my heart I know that I have more hope than anyone around me.
I want to help people, but sometimes I can't.
Some think that just because they are young they should party, drink, and do drugs.
Live fast, die young right?
I can't help but feel sad for those people.
I choose to live my life to the fullest, I will occasionally drink and go to get together and parties but it is not an everyday thing.
There have been a few moments in my life where I have been one of 'them', but those moments taught me that it wasn't me.
I'm the kind of person that likes to laugh and dance at my own accord, I don't want or like to be controlled either by a person or a drug.
The past few statements people might bring up moments were I have been one of 'them'.
Yes I have been drunk, but when I was and in high school, and unaware of the person I wanted to be.
Yes I have been drunk to the moment that I became sick, it happened once, and I learned my limit.
I did have an edible, and I do regret it. I did it because it tainted my clean slate and did nothing for me. I would have been much happier without it.
I am not a promiscuous person, I have morals. I don't have sexual escapades, I don't make out with people while drunk or in public, I don't kiss strangers, and I don't grind up on people while dancing.
I try not to do things I would not do in front of my family.
I am an example of what my mother taught me.
My mother did not teach me to have sex outside of wedlock, she did not teach me to make-out in public, she taught me that no one will have respect for me if I did not respect myself.
She told me that people will talk, but never give them reason to slander my name.
I will never belong to a man.
I will never have a ring on my finger.
And no man, unless I am married, will ever say that they had me or I was at any moment theirs.
No man will ever have me.
Most of my friends on the other hand, drink weekly, do drugs daily, and do things I will never do.
But that does not mean I don't love them or have respect for them.
What they do works for them and their lifestyle, and I have no right to judge them.
I am happy that they are happy and all I can hope for is that they are safe.
I have lost many friends, because of my decisions.
There are certain things I will not partake in and will never do.
And for those reasons they believe me to be a different person from who they thought I was, but in the contrary, I just make better decisions and have grown up from the moment they had met me until now.
I like writing these 'blogs' because it gives people some insight onto who I am. Sometimes my ideas offend people because they feel directly targeted by what I say then try to start an internet war with me by talking bad about me and talking slander. I do not mean to offend people, my only purpose by writing is to put my thoughts down in words where I can see them and in years to come I can hopefully look back and see the kind of person I was and how I have grown.
If you are offended by anything I wrote please talk to me about it, via by phone, internet, or preferably in person.
But please do not try to start a fight. Because I am better than having someone try to dispute my feelings and bring me down, I have learned.
My friends will always be my closest enemies, at one point or another we always attack each other...many times without reason.
As humans we are all utter contradictions and hypocrits.
We will always lie, we will always hurt each other, and we will always abuse.
I have never thought myself to be someone who takes advantage of people, I have never taken anything from anyone without a price and I have never needed the help of someone outside of my immediate family.
I was brought up to stand up on my own two feet, and never look back.
I was taught to help those in need, and give them what they were in need of.
But when friends can't face the truth and are persuaded by their 'family and friends' it's a hopeless cause.
I'm not a perfect person and I make a lot of mistakes, but in my heart I know that I have more hope than anyone around me.
I want to help people, but sometimes I can't.
Some think that just because they are young they should party, drink, and do drugs.
Live fast, die young right?
I can't help but feel sad for those people.
I choose to live my life to the fullest, I will occasionally drink and go to get together and parties but it is not an everyday thing.
There have been a few moments in my life where I have been one of 'them', but those moments taught me that it wasn't me.
I'm the kind of person that likes to laugh and dance at my own accord, I don't want or like to be controlled either by a person or a drug.
The past few statements people might bring up moments were I have been one of 'them'.
Yes I have been drunk, but when I was and in high school, and unaware of the person I wanted to be.
Yes I have been drunk to the moment that I became sick, it happened once, and I learned my limit.
I did have an edible, and I do regret it. I did it because it tainted my clean slate and did nothing for me. I would have been much happier without it.
I am not a promiscuous person, I have morals. I don't have sexual escapades, I don't make out with people while drunk or in public, I don't kiss strangers, and I don't grind up on people while dancing.
I try not to do things I would not do in front of my family.
I am an example of what my mother taught me.
My mother did not teach me to have sex outside of wedlock, she did not teach me to make-out in public, she taught me that no one will have respect for me if I did not respect myself.
She told me that people will talk, but never give them reason to slander my name.
I will never belong to a man.
I will never have a ring on my finger.
And no man, unless I am married, will ever say that they had me or I was at any moment theirs.
No man will ever have me.
Most of my friends on the other hand, drink weekly, do drugs daily, and do things I will never do.
But that does not mean I don't love them or have respect for them.
What they do works for them and their lifestyle, and I have no right to judge them.
I am happy that they are happy and all I can hope for is that they are safe.
I have lost many friends, because of my decisions.
There are certain things I will not partake in and will never do.
And for those reasons they believe me to be a different person from who they thought I was, but in the contrary, I just make better decisions and have grown up from the moment they had met me until now.
I like writing these 'blogs' because it gives people some insight onto who I am. Sometimes my ideas offend people because they feel directly targeted by what I say then try to start an internet war with me by talking bad about me and talking slander. I do not mean to offend people, my only purpose by writing is to put my thoughts down in words where I can see them and in years to come I can hopefully look back and see the kind of person I was and how I have grown.
If you are offended by anything I wrote please talk to me about it, via by phone, internet, or preferably in person.
But please do not try to start a fight. Because I am better than having someone try to dispute my feelings and bring me down, I have learned.
Look at the stars
How can wonderland be so disgusting.
The bay area has been my playground my whole life and I finally feel like I'm starting to truly discover it.
I spent my childhood cradled and being taken care of by my parents, and until now.
Until I turned 18,and graduated high school, I have been free and able to make my own choices. In the past few months I have made choices that have taught me both the good and the bad in life, who I can trust and who I cannot.
I have learned that I have quite a low alcohol tolerance, that I never want to do drugs, and that I have a natural high and happiness that allows me to enjoy myself without the help of any substance.
That two friends, can grind and hurt each other to the point that they are non-existant.
Space is not important, if you truly care for someone you will never let them go or take no for an answer.
The bay area has been my playground my whole life and I finally feel like I'm starting to truly discover it.
I spent my childhood cradled and being taken care of by my parents, and until now.
Until I turned 18,and graduated high school, I have been free and able to make my own choices. In the past few months I have made choices that have taught me both the good and the bad in life, who I can trust and who I cannot.
I have learned that I have quite a low alcohol tolerance, that I never want to do drugs, and that I have a natural high and happiness that allows me to enjoy myself without the help of any substance.
That two friends, can grind and hurt each other to the point that they are non-existant.
Space is not important, if you truly care for someone you will never let them go or take no for an answer.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Life of a Fashion Design Student
I spend most of my days alone in my room/studio doing homework.
Sewing, drafting, draping, sketching, coloring, etc!
Researching Art, looking at ancient ways of dress and learning nonsense I will never have use for.
So 75% of my week is spent at school doing work, or being at home doing homework.
Commuting from school back home in the far off region of the east bay takes up 10% of my time, a total of 6 hours a week, or more if I go to labs.
Meaning I spend $30+ a week on commute not counting gas.
10% of my time is spent eating, sleeping, pooping, cleaning my house, etc.
And that leaves me with 10% of time to go out and have fun.
To be honest, I hate going out now. Because it takes me ages to recover from a night out on the town, I hate waisting money when I can spend it more wisely.
Oh! And I have no time for a job, so I'm pretty off mooching of my Mom.
I'm eighteen, living at home, doing side work to make cash, and broke as hell.
I just love my life.
In all honesty, I ADORE MY LIFE!
Why? Because life isn't going to be easy on you, I like stress, I feed of anger, and live on zero time.
I'm constantly busy, and doing something, being with someone, whatever!!
I can't say how much I adore going to school everyday.
I have met some of the most beautiful people ever, with the biggest hearts, and endless imagination.
My fellow peers are the few that understand the amount of pressure and stress that go into out studies, it's crazy.
The ladies are losing their hair, pulling it out, falling out, getting it pulled out.
Stress, fights, you name it, it's happened.
The most hardcore kids I have met have been fashion design students.
They are Hardcore cause they have something to prove.
We will tear you apart, and prove we're the best.
This is my school, and I love everything about it.
The teachers are amazing, the students are beyond words, and yeah point blank we're better than you :)
Sewing, drafting, draping, sketching, coloring, etc!
Researching Art, looking at ancient ways of dress and learning nonsense I will never have use for.
So 75% of my week is spent at school doing work, or being at home doing homework.
Commuting from school back home in the far off region of the east bay takes up 10% of my time, a total of 6 hours a week, or more if I go to labs.
Meaning I spend $30+ a week on commute not counting gas.
10% of my time is spent eating, sleeping, pooping, cleaning my house, etc.
And that leaves me with 10% of time to go out and have fun.
To be honest, I hate going out now. Because it takes me ages to recover from a night out on the town, I hate waisting money when I can spend it more wisely.
Oh! And I have no time for a job, so I'm pretty off mooching of my Mom.
I'm eighteen, living at home, doing side work to make cash, and broke as hell.
I just love my life.
In all honesty, I ADORE MY LIFE!
Why? Because life isn't going to be easy on you, I like stress, I feed of anger, and live on zero time.
I'm constantly busy, and doing something, being with someone, whatever!!
I can't say how much I adore going to school everyday.
I have met some of the most beautiful people ever, with the biggest hearts, and endless imagination.
My fellow peers are the few that understand the amount of pressure and stress that go into out studies, it's crazy.
The ladies are losing their hair, pulling it out, falling out, getting it pulled out.
Stress, fights, you name it, it's happened.
The most hardcore kids I have met have been fashion design students.
They are Hardcore cause they have something to prove.
We will tear you apart, and prove we're the best.
This is my school, and I love everything about it.
The teachers are amazing, the students are beyond words, and yeah point blank we're better than you :)
Friday, February 12, 2010
IDGAF
I find myself constantly inspired by people who stand by their beliefs and who aren't afraid of being judged.
I love people who stand apart from the crowd, with their middle finger raised and a smirk on their face.
Old school glamour, and dirty dirty punks inspire me.
I love doo wop music, rockabilly, and punk. I live for beauty, that screams for attention and clothiing that tears at the seams, be it old and frayed, or tight as tight can be.
SIck Of It All:
"Let's celebrate that we don't care
Let's celebrate that we don't give a fuck
With a middle finger high in the air"
I like people who refuse to conform.
Those who don't give a care in the world to how people percieve them as long as they have a family standing behind them.
People who stand for something and will not let their belifs fall to the side give me hope for a better future.
Agnostic Front:
"We always stuck together
We always had something to prove
We gave birth to a movement
This is for the old school and the new!"
I love people who stand apart from the crowd, with their middle finger raised and a smirk on their face.
Old school glamour, and dirty dirty punks inspire me.
I love doo wop music, rockabilly, and punk. I live for beauty, that screams for attention and clothiing that tears at the seams, be it old and frayed, or tight as tight can be.
SIck Of It All:
"Let's celebrate that we don't care
Let's celebrate that we don't give a fuck
With a middle finger high in the air"
I like people who refuse to conform.
Those who don't give a care in the world to how people percieve them as long as they have a family standing behind them.
People who stand for something and will not let their belifs fall to the side give me hope for a better future.
Agnostic Front:
"We always stuck together
We always had something to prove
We gave birth to a movement
This is for the old school and the new!"
Thursday, February 4, 2010
I Am In Love
I feel it needs to be said.
I love and adore the sheer fact that I can make beautiful things, while meeting beautiful people, in a beautiful magical place... while constantly being under the eyes of naysayer's.
I never intended my life to be like this, somehow I just ended up here.
I walk without direction.
I happen to have an endless amount of time to think and ponder back on my life. I am only 18, but I feel that if I died tomorrow I would have lived a full and happy life.
I have changed and morphed into the being you see today. I have been shaped and molded to be the person I am, and I am content with it.
I look at the world around me and see girls starving themselves to be 'pretty' and not being happy with who they are and what they look like.
I was brought up to love myself, my body, and to respect who I am.
Therefore I think thoughtfully and clearly about what I do to my body.
I look in the mirror and am happy with what I see.
I don't think I'm fat, even though you may think so.
I know I'm not skinny, even if you don't like it.
and I adore my clothing and style, even if you hate it.
I am perfectly happy.
Once upon a time I lived, I breathed, and I dreamt in a world of fantasy. Before I knew it, I became the very fantasy I desired.
They tell me I'm crazy, eccentric, and out of my mind...maybe I am but what does it matter.
I look in the mirror and the possibilities are endless, the ocean beckones for more.
Beautiful words from beautiful people escaping their beautiful lips inspire beautiful garments.
Beautiful people with troubled minds and troubled thoughts spew trouble and filthy lies.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I am not who you think I am...I am much, much, more.
I dream in soft bright colors where thoughts are heard and voices silenced.
I love and adore the sheer fact that I can make beautiful things, while meeting beautiful people, in a beautiful magical place... while constantly being under the eyes of naysayer's.
I never intended my life to be like this, somehow I just ended up here.
I walk without direction.
I happen to have an endless amount of time to think and ponder back on my life. I am only 18, but I feel that if I died tomorrow I would have lived a full and happy life.
I have changed and morphed into the being you see today. I have been shaped and molded to be the person I am, and I am content with it.
I look at the world around me and see girls starving themselves to be 'pretty' and not being happy with who they are and what they look like.
I was brought up to love myself, my body, and to respect who I am.
Therefore I think thoughtfully and clearly about what I do to my body.
I look in the mirror and am happy with what I see.
I don't think I'm fat, even though you may think so.
I know I'm not skinny, even if you don't like it.
and I adore my clothing and style, even if you hate it.
I am perfectly happy.
Once upon a time I lived, I breathed, and I dreamt in a world of fantasy. Before I knew it, I became the very fantasy I desired.
They tell me I'm crazy, eccentric, and out of my mind...maybe I am but what does it matter.
I look in the mirror and the possibilities are endless, the ocean beckones for more.
Beautiful words from beautiful people escaping their beautiful lips inspire beautiful garments.
Beautiful people with troubled minds and troubled thoughts spew trouble and filthy lies.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I am not who you think I am...I am much, much, more.
I dream in soft bright colors where thoughts are heard and voices silenced.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Gives Me Hope
Love gives me hope.
The selflessness of humans and our compassion for each other astonishes me in ways I will never understand.
It inspires me to be a better human being and pushes me to strive for perfection, an impossible goal, but that won't stop me.
I'm probably one of the luckiest girls in the world.
My life has been turned upside down, inside out, and topsy turvy, and I'm still here!
People may judge me, they may criticize me, but I know my life is ten times better than theres.Why?
Because I have a loving family that would do anything for me, and selfless friends who without even knowing it make my day.
I have learned more in the past year than I did during my whole high school career.
Just because you think you know somebody doesn't mean they know you.
Just because you meet a stranger, it doesn't meet your not friends.
And if you have a dollar to spare, give it to someone who needs it because wouldn't you want a dollar when you have no money?
I will always be there for all my friends, even if they hurt me, made me cry, or talked behind my back.
I was raised to see the good in people, and forgive those who have done bad in my eyes.
I'm a thoughtful person who cares about everyone and everything.
That is one of the reasons why many of the animals I have are disabled and why I am a vegitarian, I care about creatures who have no voice.
I have a heart of gold, something many will never see unless they need a favor.
On a couple of occasions I have given my friends cash for food when they had none, bought strangers BART tickets when they lost theirs, and given elderly people my seat when not a man would stand up. I don't claim to be a better person than others, I just make better choices.
Sometimes I sit in bed and think of the times my mother, brother, sister, and I went though our hardship. Less than a year and a half ago, we barely had enough money to buy food, at times we had no food other than beans and rice.
And now, my sister moved to Davis, I'm going to a private college, and my brother is a jock in high school.
My mom looks at us and is so proud at the way she raised us.
We are loyal, hardworking, young adults.
We each have out faults...especially me.
But she knows she has instilled in my the knowledge to make good choices and lead a great life.
One day I will give my mother everything her heart desires, I will give her everything I have because that's just what she has given me.
She has given me, my brother, and my sister everything she has.
The selflessness of humans and our compassion for each other astonishes me in ways I will never understand.
It inspires me to be a better human being and pushes me to strive for perfection, an impossible goal, but that won't stop me.
I'm probably one of the luckiest girls in the world.
My life has been turned upside down, inside out, and topsy turvy, and I'm still here!
People may judge me, they may criticize me, but I know my life is ten times better than theres.Why?
Because I have a loving family that would do anything for me, and selfless friends who without even knowing it make my day.
I have learned more in the past year than I did during my whole high school career.
Just because you think you know somebody doesn't mean they know you.
Just because you meet a stranger, it doesn't meet your not friends.
And if you have a dollar to spare, give it to someone who needs it because wouldn't you want a dollar when you have no money?
I will always be there for all my friends, even if they hurt me, made me cry, or talked behind my back.
I was raised to see the good in people, and forgive those who have done bad in my eyes.
I'm a thoughtful person who cares about everyone and everything.
That is one of the reasons why many of the animals I have are disabled and why I am a vegitarian, I care about creatures who have no voice.
I have a heart of gold, something many will never see unless they need a favor.
On a couple of occasions I have given my friends cash for food when they had none, bought strangers BART tickets when they lost theirs, and given elderly people my seat when not a man would stand up. I don't claim to be a better person than others, I just make better choices.
Sometimes I sit in bed and think of the times my mother, brother, sister, and I went though our hardship. Less than a year and a half ago, we barely had enough money to buy food, at times we had no food other than beans and rice.
And now, my sister moved to Davis, I'm going to a private college, and my brother is a jock in high school.
My mom looks at us and is so proud at the way she raised us.
We are loyal, hardworking, young adults.
We each have out faults...especially me.
But she knows she has instilled in my the knowledge to make good choices and lead a great life.
One day I will give my mother everything her heart desires, I will give her everything I have because that's just what she has given me.
She has given me, my brother, and my sister everything she has.
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