Silent Nights

I really can't wait to die.
I think it would be an amazing experience that I can't wait to have it!
I want to know what it's like to be extremely serene and comfortable with myself.

I want to see how my life has affected the lives of those I have been close with.
My family, my friends, those why are gone now, those who had hurt me and I left behind.
Not one day goes by that I don't think about Doggy, or Sonny.
I constantly think about the men I have lost and cry my eyes out.
I have made so many mistakes, and I want to repent for all of them.
I have not always made the best choices, but most of them benifted me and my life at the moment.
I'm just a very emotional person who does not yet know how to deal with her overly complex ego.

I get very jealous too.
I don't like being left out or hated.
I always, always! Try to include everyone, so when people don't include me it hurts very badly.
When people are mean to me or say a rude remark, it stays with me for weeks, even months.
On New Years eve I chose to stay home alone, my friends invited me to go out and I wanted to but deep down I knew I shouldn't.
So I made up an excuse that my mom didn't want me to go.
It turns out that people got overly drunk at the party and I am happy that I did not go because I would not have been comfortable, since last time I had hung out with them I drank TOO much and made a fool of myself.
And that night a "friend" sent me a few rude comments that cut deep, it was mainly due to them being drunk that they said them, but never the less they hurt.
Then my prince in shining armor, came and took me away.
He gave me my new years kiss and we partied till the sun came up, in a non-alcoholic, all vegan party.

In the end, people should bite their tongue and always apologize. I always apologize for my mistakes and I believe I deserve their apologize as well.
I hold grudges, yes! I will never let anyone treat me in a manner I do not deserve and I will NEVER forget what they said.
I am a lady, therefore I apologize and forgive, but I never forget.

People hurt each other without meaning too, but apologize, hugs, and 'I'm sorry's" always make it better.