Dear World,

I have faced hardships and ordeal that you could never imagine; I have witnessed three people die before my eyes, have been persecuted for my religion, was sexually assaulted, and have witnessed a gun put to my mothers head and almost witnessed her being murdered.

This of course, is none of your business, I never intended to share this part of myself with any of you.
But I feel it needs to be said since I few close friends consider my feelings to be insincere.
(Please note that I did not put the word 'friends' in parantheses in the above stated sentence, cause everyone I care for is a friend of mine and will always be.)

At times I may act different, or unlike myself.
But in reality, how do any of you know who 'I' am when I myself don't even know.
As a human being I am constantly changing and addapting to my surroundings.
If I were to say that I did not change, I would be lying.

In certain situations I am uncomfortable, such as in big groups.
Why am I uncomfortable? Well becauseIi feel I am being constantly judged in big groups of people, there are too many things going on at once, and I am unable to comprehend what is going on.
I have social phobia when it comes to close contact with large groups of people I know nothing about or have anything in common with.

I do not understand why I need to justify my feelings, emotions, and actions to any of you!

I am who I am, and if you believe me to be 'fake' then go ahead and believe that.
But in reality you are the one judging people when I am trying to learn and understand myself.
You talk, talk, talk when in reality you have nothing important to say.
You talk to hear yourself speak, and judge in order to take attention of yourself, hoping and wishing they will not notice you and point out your flaws.

There are two parts of me: there is Annie and Angelica. I have two different personas, two alter ego's.
The only other person that knows my life story and why I seperate my life into two parts, is my best friend, and she is the only one who well ever truly understand what I have gone through.
Angelica is the girl who was teased as a little girl, who was told she was 'stupid' by her math teacher, called fat by her first boyfriend, who learned to be a wallflower instead of a rose.
Annie is the girl who came out of Angelica. She learned from Angelica's mistakes and is the creative being that attends FIDM and intends to accomplish more.
At times I go back to the vegetative state that was Angelica.
That is why I prefer to be called Annie.

I am a wreck, a ball of emotion.
I either want to die, or live forever.
My life is full of extremes, I love or I hate, I laugh or I cry.

I am constantly thinking, hoping, wishing, creating.
I write to let my thoughts run wild, they are a way for me to fully understand what I am going thru and what I am thinking.
It is my real life pensieve.

I have nothing to prove, because I know in my heart that I am a geniune person.
I know who I am and do not have to ever second guess myself.
I am Annie.
I am the girl you confide in, the person you had a crush on, the one who spent all night listening to your feelings, the only other person that will be there when your world goes to hell.

The life I have experienced has shaped me, and damn you if you don't understand.
If you have seen the things I have seen you would guard yourself and your emotions from the world too, but instead I make them public.
I let the world see my life from my eyes, by writing, and creating.
If you want to know more about me, or my 'real' emotions then read my blogs:
theoneandonlyannie.blogspot.com
and
myspace.com/xmorbidlyxromantic.

None of you will ever understand, but I hope this helps.