It's All That You Can Do

I depend on others too much.
Words can be said, but proving them to be correct is the hard part.
I don’t have the will power to let you go.

I remember listening to ‘Be Yourself’ by Audioslave in junior high, those were the worse years of my life.
I was made fun of, teased, and I just wanted to die.
The people I thought were my friends teased me, about anything and everything.

“To be yourself is all that you can do”

That was my mantra.
The other day I heard that song and tears just started flowing, and I couldn’t stop.
The emotions of my younger years came back.
I remember looking up at the beautiful people, the musicians and artists…and wishing I was one of them.
I never really fit in, or had a place…I still feel like I don’t.
I’m a fashion design student, who listen to metal, punk, and doo-wop. I wear granny cardigans that I find at goodwill, wear vintage dresses from the 40’s while wearing a leather studded jacket and oxford shoes.

I don’t fit in and I don’t try to stick out.

Deep down I still cry and feel bad that I don’t fit in or look like everyone else.
I have yet to find a companion who loves me for who I am, and I doubt I ever will. I’m more complicated than anyone could ever imagine and more woman than any man can handle.


(Photo from a week ago. After a long night.)