Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Que Sera, Sera...

Algunas vesas la vida me mata. Y unas vesas mi vida es una cosa muy linda.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Otra ves

I don't have much to say, actually I have nothing to say. I have a lot of feelings, I lot of hurt, and a whole lot of experience in this field. I love men, I love to hate them, I love every single piece of them, and they kill me. I love living the life of a couple, love belonging with one other person and being that other persons everything. But everytime I try to get close I end up falling apart, everytime. They always leave so what the fuck is the point of even getting close to another person? If they always leave. Other things always become more important then when it's over, oh hey, you're still here? I guess I'm not mature enough yet to handle all this, I don't think I ever was. Now my true teenager comes out. If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. Just call me Annie, the modern day Coco, and Marilyn reincarnated.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I love listening to a song that takes me back to a moment in time and I feel all those same feelings I felt at that age. I was just listenbing to Good Charlottes' "The Chronicles of Life and Death" and I still remember every lyric, the feeling I felt when I first heard that song and how much I hatet being a kid and my life. They were one of those bands that opened up my eyes after I tried the whole 'fitting in' stage and fuck, they are sure one of the bands I have to thank for becoming who I am today...them and a few selected others.
I never thought I'd be here, live this long, and be this 'grown up'.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Take me Away


I'm such a wreck. I can't help myself. I thought that once I grew up I would stop feeling this way, but it turns out, no, I'm still a mess. People can judge and criticize, they don't listen and they don't see. No one will ever experience the same things as you, therefor I don't expect anyone to ever understand me, I just want people to accept me.


I'm all ears, with open arms. Whenever my friends, Mom, brother and sister, whenever anyone, even strangers want to talkk I listen and give advice. My friends that are woman ask me for advice almost daily and I give it, even if I'm not the most experienced I know much about matters of the heart. I sit and listen, because that's what I would want someone to do for me. And when I need someone most no one is there. If someone asks me "What's wrong?", I'm not going to tell them because the little voice at the back of my head is yelling "THEY DON'T CARE! Once you tell them they're going to use it against you. They'll make fun of you!". People need to be firm with me, and the only person I'm ever honest with is my bff Diana, and then my Mom, they know how to handle me. They make me tell them, and that's what I need. I need to feel vulnerable in order to tell the truth. I need people to make me share, to hold me close and be true.
I have the tough girl exterior but I'm as soft as a marshmallow.Just today I counseled three other woman, two clsoe friends and my Mother. I listened to what they had to say, tried to advise them on what to do, etc. Then once I tried to talk to them about how I felt, I was shot down and they proceeded to talk about random things, instead of asking me how I was doing when I clearly showed an expression to talk.
I don't have anyone to talk to , so I just write everything down. I'm a vulnerable person, all I want to be is loved. I want to get lost and runaway, have no feeling or pain, just leave. I can't help but cry as I'm writing this. I just feel absolutely horrid and for many different reasons.
I got into an arguement with a rude boy yesterday, I have no respect for ANY man who raises his voice in front of a woman or talks to them maliciously. The woman to whom he is speaking to may not say anything due to fear, but I will be damned if I don't say something. I don't do this because I feel the need to pick a fight, I do this because that woman has no voice, and someone needs to speak up for her, if she doesn't herself then I will. And today I got into another arguement,malicious things told to me for no real reason, and all I could do was give her a taste of her own medicine. I then had to wait an hour in the rain at BART. Came home and there was 'no food' to make myself dinner due to the fact that all the vegetables were used to make the meat dishes. So I went to the gas station and bought some sunflower seeds. I told my Mom I was going to order a pizza and she said no, that i'd have to order some for everyone and go pick it up when she refused me from taking the car and nobody wanted to drive me, so I'm hungry, crying, my nose is bleeding, and I'm cold. Take me Away.